🦉7 simple steps to stop your stress spiral, Writing tips from Jerry Seinfeld, A mother whose son was executed by ISIS, 'Inner child work' to heal trauma, Hemingway's lost letters & more...
Spend more time implementing the wisdom, not collecting it.
In this week’s edition, you will learn:
How 'Inner child work' can heal trauma and improve your life
Why your VO2 max (heart health) is critical for your health and how to improve it
Episode 146: Stress reset - How to change your internal dialogue to communicate better
Podcast episode length: 22 mins
7 simple steps to stop your stress spiral
Manage these two stages of stress:
Catastrophizing or obsessively thinking about what could go wrong (thinking how you can't do something, it's going to be way harder, the meeting won't go well, etc.)
Repetitive negative thinking leads to physical sensations of stress (tightness, nausea, stress eating, etc.). The combination of misdirected thinking and physical sensations creates a stress spiral.
Reset your mind:
You have three types of mind:
Emotional mind that creates emotions and reacts emotionally - driven by feelings
Rational mind that focuses on facts
Wise mind where your head and heart overlap
Train yourself to use your wise mind more often. Learn to shortcircuit the other two and stop your negative mental feedback loop by asking silly questions like - do I believe in magic? Or what If I could own a star? What would I name it?
Reset your body:
Pretend to smile. Relax your jaw. Give yourself a hug.
Exercise or do a physical activity you like - swimming, tennis, etc.
Cold plunge or sauna: change the physical state, which will help change the mental state.
Rumination Vs. Reflection:
Most of your stress comes from unprocessed thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Rumination is your mind anchored in the past.
Reflection is an objective analysis of the events that occurred and lessons learned.
Implement the idea: Take 5 minutes daily to reflect on your key thoughts and emotions. Write about them. Talk to a friend or record your thoughts on your phone. Speak to a therapist.
Mental congestion creates unwanted stress. Get it out of your system.
Processed thoughts and feelings lead to productive thoughts and feelings.
Change your Why with a How:
Your stress is coming from Why questions. Why didn’t you get the second interview? Why didn’t you get the raise? Why didn’t that person call you back?
Change the Why to How. Instead, ask, How can you move on? How can you get clarifying information?
‘How’ is more empowering. Why leads to an infinite abyss of unknowns, which your mind hates because it likes control and agency. Give yourself the power by asking How questions.
Embody Mr. Rogers :
Implement this acronym that teaches you how to treat yourself.
GIVE - Gentle (be kind to yourself), Interested (be interested in what you are truly feeling - reflect), Validate (acknowledge your pain, feelings, and experiences. All resolution begins with acknowledgment), and Empathetic (heal with empathy and understanding).
Give GIVE a try.
Radical acceptance:
For just 30 seconds, accept this moment, whatever the situation may be, for what it is. No judgment. No solution mode. For 30 seconds, simply be in it.
What you will be left with is a knowing that life has its own flow. You can either fight the flow or go with it. Don't be the fish fighting the ocean's current. Work with it.
This doesn't mean you don't take action to improve the situation. Acceptance gives you a chance to process the emotions so you can give more energy to the 'how can I move on' part rather than being anchored in 'why is it happening to me'’..
I highly recommend you check out Jenny Taitz's work.
Episode #746: Jerry Seinfeld & Maria Popova
Podcast episode length: 2 hours 31mins
Writing tips from Jerry Seinfeld & Maria Popova
Writing is 95% rewriting.
The beginning of any system should start with an end. Your brain cannot handle open-ended tasks, situations, or systems. So, if you commit to a writing session, set an end time at the start: 10 minutes, 20 minutes, or an hour. This will help you to show up better. Once that time period is up, reward yourself. Build a positive feedback loop so that you want to do it again.
Writing is a game of tonnage - how much you consistently produce and rewrite. Accept mediocrity and focus on output.
Your mind is the source of infinite wisdom, but your brain is a puppy dog with chronic ADHD. The only way to manage it is to confine it. You confine it by setting clear parameters. For example, in your 30-minute workout, plan each minute so the brain does not wonder what you will be doing the next minute.
Never tell anyone about what you just wrote. Wait at least 24 hours. Enjoy the good feeling of coming up with an idea—bask in the creative juices. If you share too early, you risk someone criticizing the idea, which can impact how you show up to your next writing session. Preserve your art while it’s premature.
To be a good writer, nurture your writing while it is in the creative phase. Once your idea has crystalized, turn into a harsh, unkind drill Sergeant and edit mercilessly. Good writers can manage both phases and switch between these two brain quadrants.
Writing is thinking in public. But despite the number of readers, good writers still write for one person. Often, this one person is their inner self. They write to feed their innermost curiosities.
“A true artist takes no notice whatever of the public. The public are to him non-existent.” ― Oscar Wilde.
Yet writers must balance their inner curiosity (write what pleases them) with what might interest readers. Werner Herzog's formula seems appropriate: " It has always been important to me that my films reach an audience. I just don’t care what the audience has to say about them as long as my films touch them in some way."
More tips from Jerry Seinfeld, as discussed on Deep Questions with Cal Newport
Process productivity vs. Creative productivity: Process productivity focuses on the set of tools, the exact sequence, and the steps that produce the result. Creative productivity doesn’t care about tools. Its only goal is to produce the best stuff over time. Example: Jerry Seinfeld still uses a yellow legal pad for his writing sessions. Lesson: Do not obsess over technology, esp. if it brings complexity. Use the tools that improve quality output over time.
There is no writer’s block. You sit down, accept you are mediocre, and get to work.
This ‘iis’ my best AI rendition of Seinfeld - sorry ;) Environment matters: Where you live matters. If you live in a crowded city downtown with constant noise and distractions, it will affect both the type and quality of your thoughts. In comparison, if you live on a secluded 5-acre farm, it will affect your writing also. Your environment should provide ease, flow, and rhythm to your writing and creative pursuits.
The hard is the good. Don’t run from; run towards the hard things. The 2 words Jerry Seinfeld would put on a billboard for millions to see - 'Just Work'
Of all the things to trade, the last thing I will trade is my failures. - Jerry Seinfeld.
Most of your problems can be solved via a hard weight training session and transcendental meditation.
Meditation teaches you how to focus. Over time, you will learn to focus in the noisiest, most stressful environments. You will be Columbus with a compass, always knowing where you are headed.
The best manifesto on productivity vs. presence or Doing vs. Being.
When you feel criticized, question if it is the disagreement that is upsetting you or the fact that you are being misunderstood.
Pain is knowledge rushing in to fill a void. - Jerry Seinfeld.
Episode: Moral courage with Diane Foley, mother of executed journalist James Foley
Podcast episode length: 41 minutes
Moral courage from a mother whose son was executed by ISIS
Diane Foley’s son, James (Jim) Foley, an American journalist, was beheaded by ISIS. The execution was filmed and publicly shared by ISIS.
The incident is tragic, inhumane, and intolerable. Yet, Diane’s ability and commitment to bringing some good out of it is enormously inspiring. Diane is one of those humans who reinstalls my faith in humanity.
Hate is never the answer. Diane's faith and belief in God helped her cope and find the courage to meet her son's killer.
Humans have a deep need to believe in something, esp. in a community setting. Without belief and faith in a divine creator, modern society lusts over a communal bond in other areas, whether it’s vaccines, masks, or politics. The problem is that the execution of these movements (on either side) is rooted in fear, anger, and the desire to be right.
James (Jim) Foley believed that deep down, there is a piece of good, a piece of the divine in all of us, and if we listen intently and care about each other, it can change the world for the better.
Sometimes, moral courage demands you speak the harsh, undesired truth. Diane wishes that someone in the government had the moral courage to tell her that there was no coalition, no committee, or anyone on the ground to help Jim directly. Instead, the people she spoke to lied and told her that Jim was their highest priority. The lies created more hurt.
Your focus should be to magnify the good in you and others.
Diane started the Foley Foundation, which has helped bring 114 Americans home. You can learn more about the Foley Foundation Here.
Episode: Perform with Dr. Andy Galphin - How and Why to Strengthen Your Cardiac Fitness
Podcast episode length: 2 hours 4 minutes
Health and peak performance have the same goal - optimal well-being.
Your VO2 max directly correlates to your chances of dying from all-cause mortality. Bottom line: Your heart plays a big role in your overall health, so manage your diet and lifestyle to give your heart the best chance possible.
The biggest demand from cardiac muscle is the ability to contract. So, to improve your heart health, think about how you can help your cardiac muscle to contract easily.
Unlike your skin, which replaces itself every 27 days, the cardiac muscle doesn’t turnover much throughout your lifetime. You still have a lot of the cardiac muscles you were born with. So, taking care of cardiac tissue is critical.
The heart does not require any nervous system activation to contract because dependency on a nerve to fire is a risk if the nerve fails.
Vagus Nerve provides the heart with Acetylcholine to slow down the heart rate.
Your heart works 24/7 but never gets sore because of the vast amount of mitochondria in it.
The best VO2 max test is done in a lab and costs around $200.
The highest recorded VO2 max is 100!
How to improve your heart health and VO2 max
To improve your heart health and VO2 max, spend 70% of your time on low-intensity cardio (60-80% of your heart rate peak), 20-25% on moderate intensity (80-82% of your heart rate peak), and the remaining 3-6% on high-heart-rate cardio.
According to scientific studies, low-intensity exercise over long periods of time is the safest, most effective way to increase your VO2 max. I find this super encouraging. High-intensity exercise (HIIT) is also very beneficial. The best recipe is a combination of both low and high intensity.
Check out more health tips and tactics from Andy Galpin here.
Episode: Get in the zone- Enter flow state with 5 essential strategies
Podcast episode length: 51 minutes
The term “flow state” describes a mental state in which a person is completely focused on a single task or activity.
The task you are doing doesn’t have to be pleasurable for you to be in a flow state. Focusing on what you are doing and how well you are doing it can often get you into a flow state and improve the enjoyment of the task as well.
To improve your flow state, do the following:
Clarity of goals: Know what you will be doing or what you need to do and by when
Get Feedback: Ask for help or someone to review your work as you go. Course correct as needed to stay focused and motivated.
Work on only 1 thing at a time.
Image from squashmind.co.uk
Episode #795: Ryan Holiday - 11 harsh stoic truths to improve your life
Podcast episode length: 2 hours and 7 minutes
Recognition from others for having the idea of working on something is not the same as actually working on it. Avoid discussing projects while working on them to maintain focus and prevent premature satisfaction.
You will win every race if you are the only one running in it. Only compete with yourself, not others.
Self-belief is overrated—generate evidence instead—evidence that you can do something and do it well, consistently over a long period.
Confidence is based on evidence of what you have already done, coupled with self-awareness of what you can do better.
Your brain is very good at integrating the worst experiences of your life so that your future self will be thankful for them. The worst parts will create the new, better you. Use this knowledge to cope with the bad stuff as it happens. Borrow some of the future grace.
Tragedy can be a gift. While in Paris, Hemingway lost all of his writings before his big meeting with a publisher—all gone. However, this forced him to produce more work quickly and created the writing style he is best known for.
Hemingway's lost letters
If you stay in it long enough, you will get a shot. Keep showing up consistently.
Take the time to define YOUR ideal life. Don’t be obsessed with people who have achieved something without knowing who they had to become to achieve that. You may not like who they had to become for their given success.
Don’t oversell your Heroes. They most likely got good at one thing by sacrificing everything else.
You wish for early success. You wish your first post to go viral. You want your first business to get backed by VCs. But you shouldn’t. Let the hardship teach you new skills, teach you emotional resilience, and the ability to handle failure. You will appreciate the time allotted to get ready and maximize your shot rather than gaining early success when you weren't really prepared to handle things or make the most of them.
Below is an excerpt from a letter young Winston Churchill received from his father.
Churchill was a ‘disappointment.’ But he used his failures and difficulty to forge the figure we all know and love today. Early success may have robbed Churchill of the fortitude he needed during the war.
The fundamental role of a parent is to make your children believe they are enough as they are.
Use the 'toxic fuel' to get started. Use the desire to prove the people who doubted you wrong. But that cannot be the only fuel that propels you. It is neither sustainable nor helpful in the long run.
Live your truth—pursue your calling. In a time when being a nurse was considered worse than being a prostitute, Florence Nightingale pursued a vocation in nursing. Her persistent efforts in fighting the status quo revolutionized medical care by implementing sanitary standards and improving patient care.
The things you work on end up working on you. You may justify being deceitful, untruthful, or disloyal to be successful. But, on the way, these qualities seep deep inside you and ruin your life. The opposite is true as well. If you are friendly, kind, and grateful, then these qualities mold your existence into the happiest version of you.
How do you know if you are doing the right thing?
Answer: Act as if you have an impartial spectator on your shoulders.
Stoicism isn't there to make you a better sociopath. Stoicism is about self-improvement, perseverance, and perspective to focus only on what you control. It is about you making a positive difference in the world by standing up for what is right, managing how you show up and act, and your behavior’s impact on others.
Inner Child Work: What It Is And How To Do It
Episode 307: The power of radical kindness - James Rhee
Podcast episode length: 36 mins
Financial capital vs. Social capital: Aim for money and a strong community/rich nurturing relationships. Poor people seem to have strong communities (social capital) but lack financial capital (money), and vice versa. Seek balance.
Add a line item for the well-being of your personal life and business. This measures and represents how your decisions contribute to your overall well-being and relationships. For example, is your desire to make more money sacrificing your relationships? Are the yearly sales quotes or targets negatively impacting employee behavior? Where in your calculations and projections do you factor such an impact?
Redefine your definitions of assets and liabilities by factoring in their contribution to your true well-being—not retail therapy or keeping up appearances. If your reasonably priced red sports car is bringing you real joy, then it can be an asset as it contributes to your well-being. But if the monthly payment is causing you stress, then it is a major liability aside from being a depreciating asset (cars lose value over time).
Where should we begin with Esther Perel
Episode: Trauma doesn’t like to be touched
Podcast duration: 46 minutes
Sharing is important in a relationship. But you should also define things clearly. Simply saying, 'I am anxious,' doesn’t help your partner. Explain and define what is making you anxious.
Know your partner’s ‘language of comfort,’ i.e., touch or talking?
Every relationship you have has a status quo - a baseline of what is expected and acceptable. Take time to question and redefine this status quo. Make sure it is serving you.
Know the difference between 'it feels good' and 'this is a good thing'’. The latter has a built-in justification. 'It feels good' is visceral and immediate - look for ‘it feels good.’
Implement the ideas:
This week, do one of the following:
Schedule 3 weekly sessions of 10 minutes, each focused on improving your VO2 max.Stop ruminating and reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and emotions instead. For the next 7 days, take 5 minutes daily to reflect on your key thoughts and emotions. Write about them. Talk to a friend or record your thoughts on your phone. Speak to a therapist.Where can you create evidence through your work to increase your self-belief?Spend 10 minutes thinking about Inner child work and how it may benefit you.Please share in the comments which of the ideas above resonated more with you, or you are excited to implement.
I hope this post was useful. If not, please let me know how I can improve it.
Much Love,
PM
Disclaimers: I have no affiliation with any of the sources linked above. This information should not be used for medical diagnosis or treatment and is not financial advice. Please use your discretion before applying this information. Please refer to the original source for references. I use AI-generated images.